Hash Sheet

Hash Sheet 2342

20 June 2016

Gather Around!

Hares: T’arbitrator

Location: Budaiya Beach Villas

Occasion: Another Gym Membership Drive

Headcount: 20 with 3 dogs

Virgins: None.

Visitors: None.

Returnees: None.

Trail: Another short run from T’arbitrator for this nice June evening. The helicopter was swarming around Diraz, so we stayed the hell away from there and concentrated on the village of Budaiya for tonight’s meandering. It started out going through the village with nary a kid in sight to taunt us as we were running right about the time of Iftar and every good Muslim was breaking their fast as we were following tail trail. The trail zig-zagged through the village, over to the park where the trail took us through the playground, swings, see-saw, etc and over to the beach. Then more of the same and over to the gym where we had another time-share-like sales presentation with beer. Ok. Maybe it was just T’arbitrator showing off his gym and Picky taking a piss on it. Then it was finally On-In from the gym.

Circle Up!

Critique: Red Cock Down.

Description: There was a trail. A short trail and T’arbitrator is a liar. We were kicked out of the beer stop early (because Picky pissed on the turf). But there was a playground (unfortunately for Red Cock no kids), free beer and food.

Score: 8.137/10

Down Downs

The RA took control of the circle and began with the GM for the first violator on the ice. The GM, T’arbitrator, had everyone park over at the pool to start, then told everyone to take tech on the trail because we were running through the villages and he was scared or something that someone would get lost.

The RA pointed out that Spank the Turkey was there again and showed up late as usual. When we were at the beer stop, she had a beer which she was trying to give away because she somehow couldn’t finish it. When T’arbitrator called five minutes, she just flat out chugged the beer. The RA really just wanted her out there simply to sit on the ice and show us her O-face.

There was a Family Friendly Hash last Friday. Bollocks, Rock My Weiner Schnitzel, Gonorrhea Dish, and Handy Whore Hole were guilty of trying to be in a clean hash.

Harry Potty was sick. Still she showed up and took a turn on the ice because earlier she was outside and started spazing out at something which no one else could see. Hope the ice cooled her delirium.

There were some childish hashers today, but not in the traditional sense. The run took us through the park and though the playground. The Schitzels (Sucker and Rocker), Gondi, Bollocks and Handy Whore Hole all got down on the playground, but not far enough as Schnitzel Sucker stood up on the jungle gym and bashed her head. She was also the shortest one there.

Drag Queen was pretty fast on the trail tonight. He was toward the back of the pack going into the village of Budaiya, and we lost him. Turns out he was so fast that he ended up 2.5 miles ahead going into the beer stop. Since he shaved his beard, he no longer looks like an ISIS recruit and was given clear passage through the Shia’ areas. Gondi is the new recruit if judged by facial hair.

Rock My Weiner Schnitzel, Schnitzel Sucker, and Bollocks had an Iftar on the trail. They were running when suddenly they were surrounded by Bahrainis. ‘What are you doing here?’ they wanted to know. Uh, running? No! You must eat! And they were invited in for a quick bite. They still got to the beer stop before Red Cock.


T’arbitrator started the accusations by accusing the RA of being a shite religious advisor and not doing something about the weather (which was pretty fucking hot in T’arbitrator’s garden). The RA counter accused the GM of forgetting the hash shit on the trail.

RMWS accused Red Cock of being the beta in his relationship with Picky, who is clearly the alpha. Even Chairman Meow has bigger balls, and Picky has no balls, but still owns Red Cocks’ flat. He pisses on whatever he wants, so it’s his.

T’arbitrator called out Buttman, but forgot his hash name and ended up calling him by the name all Australians are known by, wanker Bruce. T’arbitrator said he was blessed by Buttman who kept up his winning streak and giving T’arbitrator his latest winning, the giant Ford F350 truck, or whatever the fuck it is.

Gondi called out the RA for trying to make him exercise at the beer stop. He is a hasher because he doesn’t want to work out, damnit.

Head With My Mom called out T’arbitrator for forgetting to bring the wanker of the week outfit on the trail, and the RA said he loves cross-dressing and will bring it next week. I think he prefers to wear it for Harry Potty instead of the hash.

During the down down, T’arbitrator threw beer on the RA’s crotch, so the RA kept him on the ice for another down down, which he again threw on Head’s crotch, but it was mostly foam.

T’arbitrator then called out Picky and Picky’s bitch Red Cock Down for letting Picky piss in the gym. T’arbitrator poured the foam on Picky’s hind end.

Piss N Boots called out all of the hashers not wearing hash gear, which included Dirty Anal Analyst and Spanks (who may not own any!) Being a thick twat was no excuse so she was on the ice again.

T’arbitrator called out Handy Whore Hole for not believing that there is a Mrs. Whore Hole since she never comes to the hash. I explained that she comes when there is no hash.

At this point all of the accusations were getting pretty sloppy and the foamy beer was getting to be much higher in volume for the down downs, so T’arbitrator called out the beer meister for being trigger happy with the precious supply he keeps in Picky’s flat. He throught ahead by stocking up and is killing the stock with down down doubles. Perhaps since he has no depth perception. The RA called on all sorts of long-time hashers like Drag Queen, Spanks, and Dancing Queen for a song, but they just ended up joining Red Cock’s skinny ass on the ice.

Wanker of the Week: Who could it be? T’arbitrator forgot to wear it on the run, but then again he was auto-hashing and didn’t actually run. Harry Potty was nominated for some reason or other dealing with magic mushrooms or hallucinations, but had no votes. Red Cock was nominated for being a sloppy beer meister, but I think T’arbitrator won the prize. Ten days of getting beaten up in Manchester and the only thing he won this month was Wanker of the Week.

Hash Trash:


12% Monday

23% Tuesday

40% Wednesday

20% Thursday

5% Friday

One good thing about Alzheimer’s is you get to meet new people every day.

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION!  It comes bundled with the software.

I want to die while asleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

Can you yell “MOVIE!” in a crowded firestation?

It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?


Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better!

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

The trouble with life is there’s no background music.

If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.

A FOOL AND HIS MONEY can throw one hell of a party.


When blondes have more fun do they know it?


What happens if you get scared half to death twice?



Handy Whorehole